When we are hurt and upset it is natural to fall off the rails. Some people even get themselves into destructive behaviours. We might try to lose ourselves in drink or drugs; shag around hoping someone will love us and make us feel better. We might shut ourselves off and mope or even harm ourselves. The fact is it won’t stop it from hurting and won’t change anything that has happened. It is merely a distraction before we are ready to face up to our loss and deal with everything that has passed.
It takes time to get over any relationship, whether you were together for years or only a matter of weeks. To move on properly we need to take stock and understand what we have learnt and how we feel.
If there is something that you did that is wrong – why did you behave that way? It is all about understanding what makes you tick – the better you know yourself the more comfortable and confident you will be.
There are plenty of questions, many of which need a bit of distance before we can be objective and truly honest with ourselves. As time passes, we may look back at previous relationships in a completely new light – even times that were quite painful we can learn a lot from.
The main thing to remember is no matter what – it is not the end of the world. It is the end of one chapter and the start of something new and fresh. Your future is yours to build and should never be centred on another person – it should revolve around you.
Make sure that you rebuild your ties with your friends and family – as these quite often get neglected. Spend time with the people who really matter, the ones that will always be there for you no matter what. And take some time out for yourself too. Enjoy being single and not having to answer to anyone else.
The truth is that right now it hurts but it will get better. We have all been there and we will probably all be there again sometime. As they say with every end there is a new beginning – so be brave and get back in the game!
Organisations that can help
© Going off the Rails 2012. Adapted from ‘Playing Downstairs’ by Jonny Hunt